‘Birthed from grief’

I’m very open about the death of my brother, and the beauty of grief. 

In 2018, Thomas Roberts passed away, in bliss, very suddenly. From that moment, I feel like the many fibres of me changed. 

I have lived through manic depression and heavy anxiety, with my dreams wrapped in ADHD and the voices of my high school bullies. Basically, who I was in my head/who I wanted to be felt impossible - life was playing out around me and I was just watching. Until Thomas passed and I have never had so many feelings explode in one go.

Time with Anna is birthed from grief, and I truly think that I will always live from this emotion. 

I don't think we are ever supposed to just ‘get on with it’, we shouldnt excuse our feelings. 

The mornings where I wake up smiling because the world feels like its dripping with honey, the evenings I spend sobbing in bed, the moments where I feel Thomas laughing with me. Its all part of what I’m supposed to be experiencing. 

Let yourself feel it all, but don’t worry about understanding it. 

I started reaching for my tarot cards more and more often after Thomas passed as I wanted to know every answer for every feeling I was going through. Luckily, this isn't how the cards work. They soothed me, and birthed a whole new spiritual and creative journey I hope to never get off. 

I also just knew that when Thomas died that he would be back with me. I believe in spirit, I believe in past lives, I have felt and will continue to feel the lives of others with me. This didn't make his death easier, but I love how there doesn’t need to be a finite end of my energy with him. 

It’s been five years since his passing now, and this year felt like the first year where my body was processing everything in my nervous system, it felt like my veins were just coming round to the news. When August rolls around, I never remember how much this month is one of transformation for me now. 

Grief truly is the most beautiful pain I have ever felt,I never want it to go. 

I’m not too sure if any of this makes sense, but I will speak about grief more when I’ve recovered from my current August transition.
(for reference, thomas was born aug 1st, passed aug 9th. The rest of the month is followed by family birthdays.) If you would like a reading to connect with your own grief and spirit, book a reading with me.